Week before last, I had started to write a devotional on fear. On monday nights I attend a women’s bible study. We are doing Beth Moore’s study on the book of Esther. That particular monday, Beth was talking about fear. The one thing that I remember the most is her referral to the phrase “what if?”…. If… I fear, I fear, I fear. That study could not have been more directed at me if I had asked. When I wrote that nearly 2 weeks ago, perhaps I hadn’t verbally asked God for it. But sitting her today I believe my heart had. I have spent so much time living in fear. Constantly asking what if, what if, what if. I feared so many different things, and I believe now that it all boiled down to me not trusting God. I sit here today, a little over a week, after facing one of my worst fears. Death of a loved one. And while my heart aches incredibly, and my days of grieving are far from over, I am okay. I can still wake up every morning and see my husbands handsome face, & hear my 3 beautiful children tell me they love me. I still have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, and many other blessings around me. I believe out of all of this I am realizing that God has blessed me with SO much, that it is not the end of my world if he calls one of my loved ones home. My grand daddy passed away Sunday October 25th. It was one of the hardest days of my life. The events of that day just keep repeating in my head. And the more they do, it just becomes so evident to me that God had complete control. Things happened exactly the way they did, for a reason. So many times in my life I’ve looked back on past events and began to realize why they played out the way they did. You may not understand what you are going through, or why certain things have happened. But know this, God has his hands on it. James 1:17 “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights.”
-R
by Rachel
2 comments